Casual Moose

If you've got nothing nice to say, don't say it at ll. Also, if you have nothing to say, don't say it at all. So why do people say the wrong things at the exact wrong time?

Stating the Obvious

You reckon, back in the roman years (ahh, no supermodel Paris Hilton types around) that the gladiators of the Collusiem would wait right until their fight started to say, "I think I'm going to die!"? Or maybe when Vesuvius erupted, the slaves were all saying:

Slave 1: Look, that volcanos erupted
Slave 2: Holy crap, that could kill us! Whadda we do now?
Slave 1: Well, I'm no Plato
Slave 2: No, but you make a good Spoono
Slave 1: If we don't want to die
Slave 2: Yes?
Slave 1: Then we should not contact the lava
Slave 2: You reckon it has e-mail?
Slave 1: So, conclusively
Slave 2: Wow, 4 syllables
Slave 1: I reckon we should run
Slave 2: Really?
Slave 1: Yeah, let's tell everyone else
Slave 1+2: EVERYONE, RU..AAARGHHHH!!!!

Well I don't think so, but it would have been a lot more entertaining

Awkward Quips

So, you have lost the World Cup, when the opposing striker, who scored the winning goal, runs up to you and says "Does that mean we win?" This is where people with lots of sarcasm win places on Blackadder. So really, that's all I can say about that

Without insulting the Clintons, I can't dig any deeper. I don't know anyone that would. So I leave you with this remark I paticularly like:

Some people would do anything for their country. But me, I would happily mud wrestle my own mother for a novelty lamp, a collection of garden gnomes and a stack of French porn------Blackadder

Picture this: you've just got back from an apalling night out, watching the premiere of American Pie: The Musical!, not wanting to take a dump in case they get any ideas. Rushing upstairs at a speed shaming Michael Moore (then again, you had a pet tortoise that did the same) arrive in the bathroom lock the door and finally, let it go. Relieved, you reach for the toilet roll and.... oh s*** (how appropiate), there's no toilet roll. First, your stomach drops to your bladder, forcing more chilli chicken into the bowl. Then, it drips all over your buttocks, not allowing you to sit up without smearing KFC all over your self.

At this point, many people turn to telekinesis, forcing the bog roll to reveal itself and come to them. But it never works. Some people just make a mad dash for wherever it is, only to smear even more McDonalds all over themselves. But, even more extremely, some stay there for the rest of their lives. I met one of them once. Well, when i say met, I mean, was waiting outside their public toilet. This how the conversation went...

Me: Um, excuse me, how longer are you going to be
Him............
Me: I know your in there
Him: Reeeeeeeer! Im not a person, Im an elephant
Me: Is the seat broken yet?
Him: Naah, pure diamond this one
Me: Diamond?
Him: Yeah, that's what they make elephant toilet seats out of
Me: You ever seen that film Blood Diamond?
Him: No but carry on
Me: Oh, just some posers fighting over a diamond. You elephants effectively kill the whole diamond industry you know
Him: So, er, how are the Beatles doing?
Me: Well, two of them are dead, one of natural causes, but one of them was shot
Him: Aww crap
Me: And you know which one survived?
Him: Ringo?
Me: Yes, and...
Him: Not..
Me: SIR Paul McCartney
Him: Really?
Me: Well he's got a divorce now
Him: Oh well that's alright then
Me: You know, theres some zoo keepers in the queue behind me
Him: Aargh!! (Breaks through the wall and runs off with trousers down)
Zoo: So what, was he havin' a crap or pleasuring himself all that time?
Him: All what time? 5 minutes?
Zoo: No, 50 years
Me: Ah

So next time you want to break loose ladies and gentlemen, check if there's toilet paper in the public toilet before you sit down, or else you'll be stuck in there for half a century asking people waiting outside if Bush is dead yet

Casual Moose

First off, no silliness, moose jokes, moosephobics or rabbits allowed. This is a casual blog, not some brawly swear fest a la South Park. Also, any ads (not on the site ha ha i realise that smart-alexander) are greatfully received, with a condition of one whole carrot per campaign.

Canada is on top the USA. So what? Iraq on top of the sea on the map, and you don't see terrapins breaking up in protest about it (well, most people dont) Let's list their exports:

1: Maple Syrup.
Very tasty

2:Snow
White christmases? Bing Cosby, you have Canadas new money-making scheme

3:Bryan Adams
So what if everyone only remembers Summer of 69?

and finally

4:Um, er...
Um, er...

Canada has taken enough parodies from Weird Al's song Canadian Idiot and
South Parks Emmy almost-winning Blame Canada. I mean, moose, the CN Tower, ice hockey hooligans all come from Canada. Without Canada, the USA wouldn't have John Dillinger, Al Capone or that ex-Irish immigrant who tripped that marathon runner in the Olympics 2004 (fine he never immigrated. America claim all the best celebrities)

The USA
To decide wheter or not America is stupid, watch http://www.youtube.com/watchv=fJuNgBkloFE
then report what you see

Example

Name a Country begging with U?
Yugoslavia
Utah

Who is Tony Blair?
Skater
Rapper
Linda Blairs Brother

How many sides does a triangle have?
4

What state does KFC come from?
Uhhhh
Do you know what KFC stands for?
Yeah, Kentucky Fried Chicken right, yeah?
So where would KFC come from?
Jeez, I dunno...

Bush Quotes

I think war is a dangerous place

If we dont succeed, we run the risk of failure

For NASA, space is still a big priority

I stand by any misstatements I've made

In conclusion, Canada may be boring, repetitive and has been spoofed by Sout Park, it's surely better than its neighbour the USA

Casual Moose